✎ eternity:dandruff-be-gone_ultimate_shampoo [Aftermath]

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“Hey Fred, have you seen my Nav Set?”

“Have you checked under your No-Vis Jacket?”

“They’re not there! I can’t go out with just my WordSearch and my BuzzFeed. I’ll get lost and look stupid!”

“Good so you won’t be deceiving them then. Look, here they are next to your old Radiator.”

“Damn it! It’s ‘cos they’re all so difficult to remember. Who came up with all these names anyway?”

“That's got nothing to do with it you daft sod. They're perfectly normal names. Get going already.”

“Hey Fred?”

“What?”

“Do you ever get the feeling that someone’s like… watching you?”

“What’s this about? You fallen in with that Celestial lot again?”

“No, no, no. It’s just a feeling is all.”

“Don’t be stupid Knobs.” 

--- Footage taken from DCTV Camera #291, 8:37am.

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//IT WAS MURDER I KNEW IT!//

Citizens of Monument I have BREAKING NEWS! A great mystery was lurking in the shadows and we are here, once again, to bring it to light! It was widely held that the TRAGIC DEATHS of Guinevere, Moonlight and Jasminder was just a tragic Z-wing accident. But we can exclusively reveal that this IS NOT THE CASE! Lead Investigator Dandruff diligently chased the leads, combed the wreckage, did… other super investigation stuff and found that THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT! Sabotaged on purpose! Now it’s hard to say who did it. BUT I’M GOING TO SAY ANYWAY! It was PIPER MENTHAM HERSELF! At least that’s why the Watch people said they killed her so it MUST BE TRUE. Otherwise they would be just MURDERING PEOPLE RANDOMLY themselves! This is SHOCKING NEWS! I’m going to need to lie down for a bit. I’ll be back on air later to TELL YOU AGAIN!

--- Gale Barton’s “All times of day news” broadcast to all working screens in Monument

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//This publication would like to issue a retraction concerning the “super amazing duplication orb” as detailed in issues 23 & 24. Contrary to previous assertions the orb was found to not in fact have any duplication capabilities at all (with possible exception of the rumours circulating said duplicative abilities) and was in fact a total fabrication put forward by Mr. Wizard. I have now personally investigated this situation and can verify that the “super amazing duplication orb” is certainly super amazing to the Heizar of the Dodecahedron as well as orb shaped. So that’s 75% accurate and thus still mostly true.// - Lead Investigator Dandruff

--- Excerpt from the Amendments section in the 25th issue of the Monument Daily Tribune. It is around this time that the Amendments section begins to eclipse the rest of the publication.
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