Email: jack_daniels@aftermath.chaosdeathfish.com

“Good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to tonight’s show. I am The Voice of the Wasteland, and boy howdy, do we have a spectacle for you tonight. Yes-sirree, ladies and gents, tonight you can feast your eyes on six wonderful contestants as they race to the top of Northwest Hill, competing for tonight’s grand prize of three day’s worth of tinned food! Remember, folks, that our competitors may use any means necessary to make sure they are the first to reach the prize—and thanks to the whims of our live audience, fan favourite Glamorous Sam is armed and dangerous to give him that extra edge! And now for my favourite part of the week, say it with me, folks: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!”

- Overheard last week, on the outskirts of Monument.